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written by Sophie Saint Thomas

Everyone has a secret kink: BDSM, orgies, some even get off on watching their partner eat their come off a hamburger like a condiment. For those in supportive and communicative relationships, such fantasies are discussed and even acted out. For others, your fetish is constrained to a private internet browser and released when only when you're alone. Yet here's the thing about secrets...they have a way of surfacing. If you have a closet kink you want to introduce to your sex life, here are some tips on how to make it happen.

HOW TO BROACH THE SUBJECT

Introduce your kink using calm conversation. Rather than bring a hottie home for your partner to find seated on their coach, receiving oral sex, as you only pop up for air only to shout “Honey, look what I got us!” bring up your fantasy when you and your partner are alone, perhaps with a little wine over dinner. A little flattery never hurts, either. Reach across the table, take their hand and say, “Darling, I can't stop fantasizing about a threesome with you. It is such a turn on to imagine how hot you'd look being serviced by someone else. Is that something you'd be interested in?”

WHAT IF THEY JUST SAY NO?

Coming out with a sexual fantasy and being rejected is humiliating. Once I expressed a quite common desire to an ex: Anal sex. My boyfriend, quite a poor match in the end, distorted his face into a look of disgust and made me feel like a dirty whore. We have one life to live as they say, so as long as your fantasy doesn't hurt anyone, I feel we're entitled to experience our kinks before we kick it. If your partner flat out rejects your fetish, you have a decision to make: Are you willing to sacrifice your sexual desires for your partner, or is there perhaps someone else out there better suited for you?

TO THE PARTNERS OF THE PERVS

Your desires and comfort level is equally as important. If something is totally outside of your comfort zone, don't force yourself into it. If your lover has expressed an interest in attending a no-condom gang bang, of course I'm not saying you should agree purely to satisfy their fantasy, that's simply not safe. However, if you truly love someone, what's wrong with pushing the limits a bit to satisfy their desires? You could discover a new sexual experience that ends up being total turn on for you as well. You never know until you try.

COMPROMISE AND PATIENCE

The discussion doesn't have to end abruptly after one conversation. Your partner may be surprised by your desire to try fisting at first, but perhaps after a few months and watching some hot porn they'll come around. For instance, I'm pretty sure I'll never find a better match than my current partner, and just because he isn't quite ready for a MMF threesome doesn't mean I'm giving up all hope. Also, compromise can work wonders. Agree to try your partner's fantasy in exchange for your own. Sometimes true love means opening your mind to things that would have sent you calling the police years ago in hopes that you'll one day experience double penetration.

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